MEMBER'S TEACHINGS: Aimee Ando on Transformation
| Aimee Ando - Seven Steps Down |
Seven steps down...
Step one - inhale
Sylvia, you stand behind me and gently lift off the robe, revealing my nakedness. I trust those same sweet smiling eyes that sealed us in marriage under the chuppah, to witness as I descend into sacred covenant now. A through line to the father-in-law, and generations of Scholnick family that I will never meet.
Step two - exhale
To the right, just outside the door, my rabbis - Ari Lev and Alissa. You carried me to this moment. Revealed that Torah is mine. It is ours. Tzedek tzedek tirdof. Justice justice we shall pursue. Diaspora is our charge. Diaspora is our legacy.
Step three - inhale
Just above the knees now, the water of the Mikveh is so warm. Dan, Sage, Zoe, you are here too. My cocoon of safety. In any moment, I can transport you from office and playground into my heart. My loves, you led me to the warmth of these waters when I thought I was leading you. I call on you now to keep me moving forward.
Four, five, six...
Ando's, Garcia's, Librinca's - my family, my blood, my brown - first womb, first teachers. Don't worry! You are interwoven into these muscles, this voice. To unravel this tapestry would be the end of me. You too brought me here, waist high in holy waters. Do not worry, I am still yours.
Seven... exhale
I have arrived.
Feet up, legs tucked, head down, arms wrapped, every inch, every atom immersed... one more refrain of "Am I doing this right?" in the lifelong litany pops into mind. Suspend it there too in these healing waters, without judgment, without shame. Can that song end now? Let go. Refrain.
Shed any last bits of patina of a repressive institution that failed me and so many others on their way to finding G?d. Wash away doubts of legitimacy, that the Orthodox rabbinate or others will not recognize me to be of their people. Decide now, in these waters: They are of mine. I own that. I swim in that choice.
Baruch ata adonai eloheinu melech ha-olam asher kid-shanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu al ha t'vilah.
The sacredness of beginnings called into this space. Marked in time in this moment. A celebration of hope, marvel at the mystery, turning and turning. New learning of an ancient language. Arms spread. Water into every space between fingers, between toes, between hairs. It is right. It is welcome.
Baruch ata adonai eloheinu melech ha-olam she-heche-yanu, ve-ki-y'manu, ve-higi-yanu la-z'man ha-zeh.
Joining a lineage of ancestors to embrace and imagine Judaism. Committing every fiber of this body under water to our collective liberation. Confident that even if our family moves to a far off place without this rad shul, we will light our Shabbat candles. Proud to have had two beautiful, sharp-witted, and sure-footed Lolas and not one bubbe in my life.
I am Jewish.
I am Chai Zohar bat Avraham v' Sarah, bat Teodoro v' Amyrellis, bat Science, bat Tzedek, bat Torah.
Emerge... Deep breath.
Sh'ma Yisrael, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Echad
Baruch shem kavod malchuto l'olam va-ed
Step one - inhale
Sylvia, you stand behind me and gently lift off the robe, revealing my nakedness. I trust those same sweet smiling eyes that sealed us in marriage under the chuppah, to witness as I descend into sacred covenant now. A through line to the father-in-law, and generations of Scholnick family that I will never meet.
Step two - exhale
To the right, just outside the door, my rabbis - Ari Lev and Alissa. You carried me to this moment. Revealed that Torah is mine. It is ours. Tzedek tzedek tirdof. Justice justice we shall pursue. Diaspora is our charge. Diaspora is our legacy.
Step three - inhale
Just above the knees now, the water of the Mikveh is so warm. Dan, Sage, Zoe, you are here too. My cocoon of safety. In any moment, I can transport you from office and playground into my heart. My loves, you led me to the warmth of these waters when I thought I was leading you. I call on you now to keep me moving forward.
Four, five, six...
Ando's, Garcia's, Librinca's - my family, my blood, my brown - first womb, first teachers. Don't worry! You are interwoven into these muscles, this voice. To unravel this tapestry would be the end of me. You too brought me here, waist high in holy waters. Do not worry, I am still yours.
Seven... exhale
I have arrived.
Feet up, legs tucked, head down, arms wrapped, every inch, every atom immersed... one more refrain of "Am I doing this right?" in the lifelong litany pops into mind. Suspend it there too in these healing waters, without judgment, without shame. Can that song end now? Let go. Refrain.
Shed any last bits of patina of a repressive institution that failed me and so many others on their way to finding G?d. Wash away doubts of legitimacy, that the Orthodox rabbinate or others will not recognize me to be of their people. Decide now, in these waters: They are of mine. I own that. I swim in that choice.
Baruch ata adonai eloheinu melech ha-olam asher kid-shanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu al ha t'vilah.
The sacredness of beginnings called into this space. Marked in time in this moment. A celebration of hope, marvel at the mystery, turning and turning. New learning of an ancient language. Arms spread. Water into every space between fingers, between toes, between hairs. It is right. It is welcome.
Baruch ata adonai eloheinu melech ha-olam she-heche-yanu, ve-ki-y'manu, ve-higi-yanu la-z'man ha-zeh.
Joining a lineage of ancestors to embrace and imagine Judaism. Committing every fiber of this body under water to our collective liberation. Confident that even if our family moves to a far off place without this rad shul, we will light our Shabbat candles. Proud to have had two beautiful, sharp-witted, and sure-footed Lolas and not one bubbe in my life.
I am Jewish.
I am Chai Zohar bat Avraham v' Sarah, bat Teodoro v' Amyrellis, bat Science, bat Tzedek, bat Torah.
Emerge... Deep breath.
Sh'ma Yisrael, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Echad
Baruch shem kavod malchuto l'olam va-ed