don't push the river

One of my mentors and comrades, Claudia Horowitz, has had the same signature on her email for the decades that I have known her. It reads, “Don't push the river; it flows by itself.” Every time I encounter this wisdom, I think of skipping rock from the sandy banks, wading into to feel the strong current, the way a river bends, the continuous and determined flow of water, uninterruptible.

I recalled the phrase yesterday when a beloved friend gave me some honest feedback. Reflecting on recent interactions, they felt I was being too pushy. Being the generous friend they are, they said it was part chutzpah and part pushy. What arose was shame, some embarrassment and some sadness (including some tender tears). I don’t mean to be pushy and I don’t want to be pushy. I also know that pushiness, on some deep level, is what allowed me to become myself. It can be hard to know when to assert, when to push, when to allow, when to trust. 

After talking with my friend, I went for a run to help the feedback settle. As I watched the sun set in the Woodlands, I considered the time of year. We are in the second week of the Omer. A time of spiritual awakening and consciousness raising that follows the liberation of Passover. Everything is possible again. Flowers are blooming, leaves are unfurling, the days are longer. The earth’s resilience can inspire our own. 

In the mystical tradition, each of the seven weeks of the omer corresponds to each of the seven lower sefirot. Sefirot are portals for different aspects of the Divine which manifest in the natural world, in Torah and in us! So for example, the first week is the week of Hesed, which relates to the right hand, to water, Abraham, and kindness. Hesed flows. 

It dawned on me, in the counting of the omer, we were in the second week, the week of Gevurah. Gevurah is Hesed’s counterpart. It is strength and discipline, courage and boundaries. Not only that but yesterday was the fourth day of the second week, which corresponds to Netzach sh’be’Gevurah, the day of enduring strength, aka pushiness. I chuckled to myself, this would be the day to reflect on pushiness. 

I have no doubt that there are times when my own capacity for netzach sh’be’gevurah is an asset. And also no doubt it is a liability. The omer is a reminder that like the Divine, we contain it all. Nothing is inherently good or inherently bad. The work of the omer is to come into balance with each of these aspects of ourselves. 

The last 100 days have been dysregulating, and I am appreciative of the Omer’s invitation to rebalance. In my case to encourage today’s sefirot - hod sh’be’gevurah - acceptance rather than insistence. I know in my heart the good that can come from gevurah, but I also know when overused it can turn into a strong arm, which I do not want. If you have been on the receiving end of my pushiness, I sincerely apologize. 

I am already looking forward to week three, the week of Tiferet - a week devoted to cultivating beauty, compassion and integrity. 

I invite you to take a moment to pause and acknowledge today is the 12th day of the Omer, which makes one week and five days of the Omer. Hod Sh’be’gevurah. The day when we remind ourselves we don’t have to push the river, it flows by itself. Strong currents and all. What a relief!

With gratitude to Claudia’s practice and wisdom, I offer you her 100 days of meditation.